some climbing ventures

This is what I do to relax during the week and weekends




V3+


V4



5.11 (I later finished this route)

A Rant of Insignificance

I'm a very avid reader. I generally have several books going at any given time with at least ten more on my shelf waiting their turn. I've found I have to be very selective in what I choose to read as there are a million books out there and only so many hours in my busy day. So I spend a lot of time at the bookstore looking over books; generally I'll read what the critics have written about the author, which are always positive (It would seem to be conterproductive for a publisher to print negative reviews, ie. "Upon completion of this book I set it on fire and then cast the ashes into the sea so no other poor soul might suffer needlessly." I think I would make a very good critic.) I"ve noticed a trend in critiques recently that I find to be disturbing; unpleasant at best. You've probably read an example of what I'm referring to, and perhaps it didn't register immediately. Later that day you probably lost your appetite and had no idea why.

Here's an example of what I'm referring to: "If you crossed Moby Dick and the Wizard of Oz with Paul Auster and Haruki Murakami you might get something like Hall's debut."
This has the makings of a biological experiment gone horribly wrong. The first felony committed here is the use of the word "cross." The critic suggests that we imagine crossing Moby Dick, STOP! I do not want to imagine crossing Moby Dick with anything or anybody, especially the wizard of Oz whom I still have a very fond recollection of from my childhood. If I was Paul or Haruki I would be irate at having my name maligned in such a way.

There are a limited number of things you should cross:
Horse and donkey = mule
Lion and tiger = Liger, which according to pop culture is bred for its skills in magic
Bull Dog and Shitzu = mut
Peanut butter and chocolate = delicious

Things you don't cross
Chihauhuas and anything = the world would be a better place without these oversized rats
Mullet and Mohawk = Mulhawk; a disgrace to both hairstyles
Paul and Haruki = ? (I hope we never find out)

I take offense at these suggestions that we should breed some sort of super author, and I'm pretty sure it's illegal to try it. (Except in China and maybe Sri Lanka.)

The second felony committed is the use of the word "might." Why are you even making the comparison if you only have a vague notion if your proposed unholy alliance will produce a product similar to what has already been written. A plane "might" fall out of the sky and land on my head. If you tell a funny joke while I'm drinking milk it "might" come out my nose. The cubs "might" win the world series this year.

I've read numerous examples of this type of critique so I can only assume the authors read somebody else's critique and thought it was a good idea; it's not.

So I got to attend the Master's golf tournament again this year. I feel pretty fortunate to have had the opportunity two years in a row. I watched the worlds best golfers duke it out on the links. I saw the beginning of Phil Mickelson's meltdown. I smoked a couple of very excellent cigars with some gentlemen I can only assume make more in a week than I'll make all year.

While I was there a kid walked up to me and asked me for my autograph. I should have just said sure and signed his hat. Instead I said;
"Why do you want my autograph?"
"Aren't you Martine Grammatica?"
"Uh no."
"Oh man you look just like him."

Grammatica is a field goal kicker in the NFL. I looked up some pictures of him, I vaguely saw a resemblance. Which is just as well. When I come to the end of my life the fact that I vaguely resembled somebody moderately famous probably won't be on my list of major accomplishments.